Ranger Idiocies
by EpicRangerHalt
Summary: When you get an idea, you just have to use it, no matter how stupid it is! Trust me, it's better than it sounds.
1. Halt Just Can't Have a Break

**Flies!**

"God damn flies!" Halt yelled and he swatted at another with the fly swatter.

Will looked up from sharpening his throwing knife, his eyes wide. "NO PROFANITY!" Will screamed.

"It's not profanity, it's colorful language."

Lady Pauline walked in, frowning. "Now, now, Halt, what do you think you're teaching him?"

"Colorful language," Will answered for him matter of factly.

**Heheh, my parents and my little sis.**

**Pickle**

"I found a pickle, I found a pickle, I found a pickle, hey, hey, hey, hey!"

Halt stared at Will, his brow raised. "What are you doing?"

Will grinned and held out his hand. "I found a pickle!"

**Watching the Little Rascals with my siblings :3**

**Yes Master**

Will sat on the couch, reading _Dracula: Dead and Loving it_.

"Will, go do your chores."

"Yes, master. . ." Will hissed through his teeth, slinking away.

Halt gave him a funny look, then looked back at his reports.

**Yes Master #2**

"Will, go make coffee."

"Yes, master. . ."

**Yes master #3**

"Will, go practice your bow."

"Yes, master. . ."

"Will you shut up?!"

"Yes, master. . ."

"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!"

**Can't Take Will Anywhere**

"Finally, come on, we're gonna miss the meeting!"

Will tripped on the way out of the cabin, spilling his coffee. "Shit!"

Halt groaned and lowered his head down onto Abelard's neck, receiving a sympathetic rumble from the horse.

**Haha, vines are the best.**

**Leaves**

"What happens if you plant leaves, Halt?" Will asked, leaning over to see the leaves on the ground.

Halt's brow raised. "Why would you plant a leaf, Will?"

"Because if you plant a seed and a plant grows, then why wouldn't it work with a leaf?"

Halt banged his head into the nearest tree.

**Hat**

"Dad, I'm making you a hat!" Cassandra announced, sitting across from her father.

Once she was finished, she handed it to him, and he pulled it over his head.

_Just tell her you like it. . ._

**The credit for that one goes to the author of Vader's Little Princess. Yeah. . . I was supposed to be getting summer reading, but instead I was looking at comics heheh.**

**So, that's it! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Something tells me that someone's done something like this before, but I'm not sure. . . Review are highly appreciated!**


	2. My Life is the Definition of Stupidity

**Hambone**

"Hambone, Hambone, where ya been? 'Round the world and back again. What ya gonna do when you get back? Take a little walk on the railroad track," Will sang as he made the coffee.

"Will, what are you singing?" Halt asked.

"Hambone."

"That song's about a million years old."

". . . Shut up."

**You can thank my wonderful Pop for the lyrics. This was a real exchange between him and my Dad. XD Ah, Grandparents. You just gotta love 'em!**

**Bat**

Will cowered inside of the cabin, watching as Halt took another swing at the bat that had settled down on the verandah's roof.

Halt ran back in faster than a startled hare. "_It hissed at me!"_

**Yeah. . . my Uncle John and the other guys on the fourth of July a few years ago. Only the bat was under our umbrella and he ran out with a hockey stick. **

**Stupid Net!**

Horace hit the birdie back over to Will. They had figured that they could take some time off to play badminton, which had soon gone from a friendly game to a war.

Will ran to the other side to the net and hit it back.

Horace hit it again, close to the net this time.

Will ran for it, and rammed right into the net. "Stupid net!" Will yelled as he fell and was rolled up in the netting.

"Wait until I tell Gil and Halt," Horace muttered to himself, watching Will untangle himself.

**Me and my bro. . . My family has problems.**

**Sniff the roses**

"Ow! My nose!"

Halt looked up when Will came stumbling back into the cabin holding his nose.

Halt gave one of his _why me_ sighs and dropped his reports. "What happened?"

"I stopped to smell the roses, and a bee stung me!"

Halt facepalmed.

**This is what I get for watching Duck Dynasty.**

**Ghost of Christmas Past**

A random candle guy popped out of nowhere. "I am the ghost of Christmas past!"

Halt looked up and gave him a blank look. "Unless you brought coffee, beat it."

**Stupid Christmas Carol. Why do I ever watch anything with my family?**


	3. Technology has Ruined Me

**Chicken**

"I'm going to Jenny's to get some chicken. Want some, Halt?" Will asked, pulling his boots on.

Halt shook his head. "I hate her chicken."

Will froze. "Halt, how could you hate Jenny's chicken?"

"She puts addictive chemicals in chicken, making you crave it fortnightly, smartass!"

"Interesting. Cuckoo."

**So I Married an Ax Murderer. . . Why is life so humorous? XD**

**Mad Tea Party**

Halt watched as drunk Gilan and Will reenact Alice in Wonderland. He groaned and rested his head in his hand. "I can't wait for their hangovers," he muttered.

Will, wearing a blond wig and a blue dress, jerked his thumb at Halt and muttered to Gilan: "Who the fuck led him down the rabbit hole?"

**Oh God I love that video so much XDDD **

**Hit and Run**

Halt stood by the window, watching with a dull expression as Gilan attempted to sneak up on him.

His eyes widened slightly when he saw Tug race past, then Will. "You knew this was coming!" Will yelled as he slapped Gilan across the face, then caught up with Tug and jumped back on.

Halt inched away from the window, sat down and began drinking his coffee as if nothing had happened.

**Anyone else seen that video?**

**Preach it!**

Will sat in the back of the church with Halt and no one else, since no one is too keen on sitting with Rangers, even in church.

Will dozed off, then his head snapped up when Halt jabbed him in the ribs.

". . . A brother can go and tell another brother, these hoes ain't loyal!" the preacher was saying.

"Preach it!" Will yelled, earning himself several glares and eye rolls.

**I need to lay off of youtube for a while :I**

**Okay, here's the next chapter! Hope I at least got a chuckle! Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated **


	4. Me and My Brother are Idiots

**Spider Hunting**

"Where'd it go?" Will asked fearfully, crouched behind Halt, who was holding the shoe.

"I don't know, _you_ try to find a little spider in the dark!"

"Ehh, no thanks," Will said.

"Hm. It hissed at me."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**Me and my brother. . . Again. . . **

**When Shit Hits Fan**

"When he comes back, the shits gonna hit the fan," Halt muttered as he poured the switched coffee into the nearest plant.

"I'm back-!"

_SPLAT!_

**Oh, God I love that movie XD I'm so immature. That could be Will or Gilan, whichever you think is best.**

**Uno!**

"Uno! Uno! I win!"

Horace threw all of his cards, but one, at Gilan. "Then what are those?" He held the one card up. "_I_ win."

Gilan made a face. "Do not."

"What proof do you have?"

"I'm an eye witness."

"Okay, but any proof to give to the judge?"

". . ."

**Once again me and my brother. . . We're just plain dumb.**

**Haunted Cabin**

"Halt, I think the cabin's haunted," Will said fearfully.

Halt rolled his eyes. "You can't actually think-."

_SLAM._

"Oh, hell naw!"

"Halt, no, don't leave me alo-. . . I'm doomed."

**This one came to me when I was in my room and the door opened a bit, then slammed again. Yeah, I'm a paranoid freak.**


	5. More Imbecility

**Apple!**

"Fine, Will, here!" Halt snapped, holding his hand out.

"_I CAN HAZ APPLE?!"_

**Heheh, the Death Note. I wonder if that's an actual part. . . Nah, probably not. But still. . .**

**Ladybug**

"AHHHHH! HALT KILL IT!"

Halt looked up at his apprentice, who was perched on an armrest, over the rim of his coffee mug.

"Will, it's a ladybug."

"I DON'T CARE I DON'T WANT IT!"

**My sister and brother. Stupid yes, unentertaining no.**

**Ice Cream**

"Ugh, finally, that line was so long—."

_SPLAT._

Pauline looked down at the ice cream, and then made her way to the cart.

Halt grabbed her arm and stalked off. "No way am I waiting again, let's go."

**Mum and Dad. All that for dropped ice cream :3**

**Jackass**

"YOU WILL NOT MAKE THIS SHOT, YA JACKASS."

Will released the arrow . . . and missed.

**Just finished watching Happy Gilmore.**

**Wizardry**

"Gryffindor, hear me roar. Hufflepuff, wizard stuff. Ravenclaw, hell naw. Slytherin, here to win."

Halt raised a brow at Will. "Will, what the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing, muggle."

". . ."

**Harry Potter. . . Couldn't resist XD**


End file.
